The Coaching Overkill

Do you need a triathlon coach?

It seems today that there are more triathlon coaches out there than there are triathletes. Here in Boulder I personally know of about thirty-five triathlon coaches. And there's roughly the same number of cycling coaches. There are plenty more I don't know about, I'm sure. An extensive search on the Internet shows there are literally hundreds more across the US and Canada, all of whom deem themselves "experts". Now, I'll admit I don't have a problem with this; if someone believes they need a coach, they should probably have one. Where I do have a problem, however, is the manner in which many of these coaches---excuse me, I mean experts---go about advertising their wares.

By definition, a coach is someone who can help you achieve your best, or should be someone who can help you achieve your best, anyway. It's plain and simple really, and all other meanings are moot. But by perusing some of these coaches' "philosophies" and/or practices on their websites, you'd think you couldn't live another minute without one. "You need a triathlon coach!" they insist. (Incidentally, the phrase "coaching philosophy" is absolutely idiotic. The "philosophy" of all half-decent coaches should be the same: to get his or her athletes as prepared as possible to achieve their best performance when it matters most, on race day. If a coach starts talking about his or her "philosophy," as though theirs is all that matters, well, that's a sure sign you should hightail it. Ask about his or her practices or methodologies.)

To me the word "need" is a potent one.

Of course you don't need a coach. Nobody does, not even the fastest or highest-paid triathletes in the world. What you do need is enough air to breathe, enough water to drink, enough food to eat (Lord knows the Americans have a tough time determining just how much this is), and an environment conducive toward survival. That's all you need. Hell, my very childhood proved that you don't even need love to survive, and I made it through that fine*. (*The word "fine" is used in a highly subjective manner here; hold on while I go spin my neighbor's cat by the tail.) So, for shits and giggles, I suggest responding to these coaches in the same manner: that you don't need their services, but that you might be interested in them, if they're interested in helping you (and not just for the ₵oinage you provide). Maybe then they'll rewrite their idiotic websites.

Now I suppose asking if you "need" a coach is fair enough. No harm done, right? But some of these, ahem, experts assure you that indeed, you do need their services---that you can simply forget about your dreams and desires without their expertise and assistance. One or two even go so far as to compare your triathlon preparation to scaling Mount Everest, liking themselves to a mountaineering guide, a leader who may very well save your life. Give me a frickin' break! If triathlon were truly a life or death situation like climbing Everest can often be, you would see everyone testing positive come race day. After all, it would only help ensure your survival.

Another issue I'd like to raise is the entire "coaching business" thing. Maybe I'm wrong but it seems to me that so many coaches are more business-like than coach-like. They offer different "levels" of service and charge astronomical amounts for each subsequent level or "package". With slick marketing campaigns, ghost-writer written articles/books, and gonzo-styled advertising, a few coaches have come to build some pretty immense coaching empires. They continue to add more coaches underneath them while they travel to and from all the big events and tend to their finances and tax returns and margaritas. They've assembled a "coaching network" around them and claim, in so many words, that if you're not a part of said group your performance may very well suffer. Not only do they send this falsified message to athletes, but to other coaches not yet a part of their program.

This, of course, is absolutely bogus and I, for one, do not feel threatened. Not only are you paying for such slick marketing when you agree to the terms of their required "coaching contract," but you're now part of a well-oiled marketing machine that doesn't always think for itself, but rather only of itself. George Carlin once wrote that he loves and cherishes individuals as he meets them, but loathes the groups and committees they belong to. I see eye to eye with him. Freethinkers are really the only thinkers.

And, speaking of eye to eye, what's with this whole "Internet coaching" thing? I find it mildly astonishing that there are actually athletes who have never met their coach eye to eye, or face to face. This is completely bewildering to me. Maybe I'm mistaken, but is this really the definition of a solid coaching relationship? If you are not there in person, you are not coaching. You can't coach what you don't observe. Sending or downloading workouts is not coaching. Talking about training on your smart-phone is NOT coaching. Perhaps I'm old fashioned but I still get a kick out of riding with the athletes I help guide (this is why I call myself a co-coach and not merely a coach). Same goes for swimming and to a lesser extent, running. (I prefer to run alone but thanks to the advent of the mountain bike, I can ride beside them as they run, the poor bastards!) I believe they benefit from this hand's-on approach too. Their results have shown it anyway, and in the end isn't that why someone pays a coach?

And of pay, I find that this is perhaps the most shocking part of the entire coaching "industry." But then I suppose if an athlete is going to purchase a 15-pound bike for close to five or six grand and love it so much that he or she is going to take an extra hour or two just to ride come race day, then why not spend upwards of $1,500 a month to have someone coach you? Especially someone famous. Heck, Hollywood has pretty much proven that famous people know more.

And because someone has won Such & Such race and "walked the walk," does it make him or her a better coach? Methinks not. And because someone has two or three letters next to his name, letters that cost tens of thousands of dollars and four to ten years at university---when instead they could have been outside training (themselves or others)---does it make him more qualified? And what about being "certified"? I was always told I was certifiable or maybe it was certifiably something or rather, but I don't care to actually go through with the whole deal. Level one, level two, I'm not so sure it makes a better coach of you. You don't learn to coach in a classroom or during a weekend certification course, you learn to coach by coaching.

So what is it that makes a good coach? And why do so many triathletes feel they need one nowadays? Just a couple of decades ago there might have been but a handful of triathlon coaches across the entire United States while today even Donald Trump is rumored to be thinking of dropping everything else to become one. Is it that lucrative? I wish I knew the answers, but I'm inclined to think that the relationship part is as important as anything. As they say in business, "It's not what you know; it's who you know." So, maybe as a coach, it could be worth getting to know your athlete. It might be worth watching them do a flip-turn, or watching his or her run gait. It could be worth riding with them for five or six hours, as he or she begins to cramp and turn moody. It might just be good business sense. And who knows? You might even make a friend for life...assuming their moodiness doesn't drive you berserk (or yours, them).

All I know is that sport is supposed to be fun and challenging. The minute this is lost, so too are you. If to you competing becomes a job, and you begin to hate working, you better take a long look at the other jobs or out there. I've done one or two of them and am here to tell you that most of them suck, as do the bosses running them. You don't need a coach, especially when it comes to having fun and challenging yourself. But if a coach can help you achieve your best and you continue to have fun and challenge yourself then by all means hire one. Just don't get lost in the process. I still think you're your own best coach. And I don't even know you.

Coaches: athletes don't care how much you know; they want to know how much you care.

"Now it is true that I could have learned without a teacher but it would have been risky for me." ---Mark Twain, Taming the Bicycle